in a small town of this large country there lived a woman, a woman with a family, a woman with a life and a woman who had a fierce air of self reliance about her. a few days ago this woman passed away. without a sound, without any noise just like that she left this big bad world leaving behind an entire family speechless and shocked. tears were shed, words of praise were passes, her life was admired and her character was idealized. this woman left behind her entire lifetime in her tiny home. this home was everything to her and everything for her. she had refused to live in the luxuries her successful progeny had to offer just so that she could live in that tiny broken house where her entire life had began. the house that she had built with her husband, where she had grown her family and the house where her beloved husband had breathed his last breath. this woman was no ordinary woman. she was a woman who lived life with the ferocity of a warrior not letting old age or the words of the world slow her down. not only did she not bring up wonderful children who grew to be set individuals of the society but also managed to keep an impossible lot of related siblings stay together despite their underlying friction. this woman wasn't easy to please, she was not easy to mess with. those whom she loved were loved like they couldn't be loved anymore and those whom she loathed couldn't have been loathed more than they were loathed. she had a heart, a huge heart that had enough love for all her children and grand children. a heart that knew that love could only be imparted in its purest form and that is free from any inhibitions or expectations. despite disappointments she loved, despite failures she supported and despite all the baggage that every family carries she kept everyone together. she was a woman determined who never conceded to life. she instilled in each of her children a respect for the family they belonged to and the love and commitment that they owed to keep that family together.
she was a woman who epitomises they way every individual in today's world should live. compromises were never in her dictionary. she lived by her own rules. and her life was looked at and admired by her family in the past three days. a life of 77 years was found in the corners of the house she had once lived in. old memories were hidden in old cards, photos and diaries. her children found their own childhood and reconnected with that old feeling of their lives as innocent carefree children. for from that tiny house which belonged to that old woman there were 8 More lives that went on to affect many many more lives. she left behind a legacy, an answer that can perhaps solve a lot of problems that an individual forced to grow up faces today.
the most wonderful part about her was her ability to live life on her own terms. she knew her strengths and never let her weaknesses get the better of her. she never let the world label her as something or someone. she lived independently and that fire inside her transcended through the world. it was this inherent stubbornness inside her that allowed her to live with such freedom. never afraid, never scared and never put down by anyone she lived her life like a queen does. yet her simplicity couldn't have been more than that of a saint. such was this woman who lived her own life on her own terms. when her death shocked the world the one's close to her revealed the life she had lived and a wonderful life it was. a life with a family. and at her death you had the entire family gathered and united by a singular grief and that grief of loosing someone so influential so suddenly. god called her and somewhere in heaven too she is living life in her own way on her own terms and not even god can change that.
this wonderful woman was my grandmother. the last time i saw her face my eyes were filled with tears. i will always live with the regret of not being able to say goodbye. she was a huge part of my life and my mother's best friend. her death left me with the realisation that how influential she had been in my own life. thus leaving me with a void. i cant seem to find closure. in my own life i was too blinded not to see the solutions she held to the problems i face. but finding out about her life gave me a strength, a strength to fight it out. she was a warrior in her own way. her death leaves me with a heavy heart and tearful eyes but i am proud of my grandmother. her life reminded me that i too have her legacy somewhere in my DNA and if i can be half the woman she was i might get far far ahead in life. rest in peace my dear Nani. i love you from the core of my heart and a part of you will always stay with me.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
this is why i am hot :P
This is why I am hot! :P
Captain kullu. That’s what my beloved friends call me these days. And though I hate that name it always brings a smile on my face. The past few weeks were literally like being stuck in a reality s how with tons of drama and unnecessary emotions. A simple life is a luxury but one filled with drama is an addiction. A hailstorm that’s how I describe the time that I am going through. At first there was this wicked villain who has apparently become my mother’s best friend these days who kept calling me to his crummy office and lecturing me on how wrong my life is. Parents and villains is the most deadliest combination you will ever find. I’d rather pull all my teeth out than sit and listen to this bitter man bash everything that’s wrong with my generation. Such narrow mindedness and lack of ability to really appreciate the world really disappoints me. If only people could rise from their own narrow moulds and ideas and accept the beauty of the time we live in things would be so much better. At least I wouldn’t have to explain every tiny freaking detail of my life to my mother had it not been for this nosey villain. Every body has a mogambo in their life and mine is this arrogant man. I would love to just state my point but all that would land me is an F grade. The death of democracy I tell you… :P
Had villains and worried parents been my only problem I would have been a normal teenager barely surviving a course she is barely interested in (well I am that but more too) but then you have crummy friends who prove that every living moment its get harder and harder for you to hate them. They suck, they’re crummy and they cant do one thing right and that’s why I love having them around. Its really their imperfections and their inabilities that glorify their niceties and their awesomeness hence making them more and more irresistible. I guess that’s why its so easy for some of them to hurt me so easily. Frankly all their mistakes are rewarded with my own style of punishment… excessive drama on my part ( my imperfection) but when one of them really manages to hurt me where it hurts the most I am left as a crippled baby on the side. If you really hurt me I wont bother you rather I’d leave you alone and flee the moment I see you because looking at your face world remind me of the moment you so easily managed to hurt me. But if you stand a chance of quick forgiveness I will hang around and just wait for you to make that face or say the right thing and then surprise you with a bear hug (something I am really good at). Well the greatest friend at times do the most hurtful things. You can either forgive and when that becomes hard just blow their heads of with a gun
As for the hailstorm that I am going through. See a multi- distracted mind like my own cant just sit on a chair and study all day long ( unlike a roomy I cant name) so I tend to get attracted to doing things I am good at. Trying new things making new friends and being there for them. Working and making magic happen, using word (my only strength) to create pieces I can be proud of, dance music and madness are things that have always been my life’s fascination. And fascination is a hard emotion to overcome. I tried keeping a low profile, I tried not being so involved so that I could study (LOL) but sadly it didn’t work. I guess I need all this to keep myself occupied otherwise this mind of mine totally out of control just like me can create ideas and theories that at times terrify me. Thinking too much is a crime that’s what some one once told me and making my own world is dangerous. Well if I ever find that person I’d laugh at his face because I am amused by the ease with which he classified my mind and my thought into such a huge cliché. I am proud of my ability to think non stop and know things other people might take a lifetime to realize. And to all those who find it frustrating all I can advice is without trying, without knowing and without every experiencing the empowerment that having an opinion or an observation gifts you don’t just judge things in the narrow mould you have created. Open up or remain rigid. Then maybe one day you too might be an arrogant villain somewhere desperately trying to create a community of students whose parents you can be best friends with. Narrow mindedness is the biggest enemy of free thought. Hence I have involved myself with things and challenges that were once a part of my dreams. I cant comprehend why I had gotten into a shell afraid of my own high hopes. I guess fear of failure was a dominating factor but I never realized that this fear made me a lesser version of myself. So now I come out all guns blazing. I am not stopping myself. Well I have. When you have the kind of villains I have doing everything can become a little tough. But ultimately I am not someone you can tame so I still do the same things I used too maybe even more but now with an ambition in mind. And these new endeavors have led me to finding new people thus broadening my own opinion on a lot of things and surprisingly has initiated so many new friendships that the pain I had from old ones slowly is slipping into some corner of my heart. Ultimately the one’s who were genuine are still a major part of my life and the rest are just people I am hanging on too with dear life. But one day my grip will slip and when that happens I wont be the one in loss.
In the end it surprises me that I can find strangers or acquaintances who understand things or show emotions that I need to hear on some days that are bad. I guess god has a special way of letting you hear what you want but god might be a sadist somewhere because its always been so that the wrong person ends up saying the right thing and the right person always ends up saying the wrong thing. Life is a tragedy and god is Shakespeare.
So being totally frank all I can say is that I am addicted to this drama that life is holding around me. I don’t like it but I know that life is no dull documentary. Every person who is special in my life will have problems and my own problems always run in the background and it is that camaraderie that we have with ourselves that will take us through all the drama thus leading us to a happy and new beginning. Feeling like I am full of life right now though I am sitting in a classroom forced to study due to my own laziness and lack of interest in the course that I am studying. I guess you just cant fulfill your heart’s desire and your grade card at the same time. So captain kullu ( I am starting to like this name) signing of into the horizon on a new journey with a lot of cargo and a lot hope.
Captain kullu. That’s what my beloved friends call me these days. And though I hate that name it always brings a smile on my face. The past few weeks were literally like being stuck in a reality s how with tons of drama and unnecessary emotions. A simple life is a luxury but one filled with drama is an addiction. A hailstorm that’s how I describe the time that I am going through. At first there was this wicked villain who has apparently become my mother’s best friend these days who kept calling me to his crummy office and lecturing me on how wrong my life is. Parents and villains is the most deadliest combination you will ever find. I’d rather pull all my teeth out than sit and listen to this bitter man bash everything that’s wrong with my generation. Such narrow mindedness and lack of ability to really appreciate the world really disappoints me. If only people could rise from their own narrow moulds and ideas and accept the beauty of the time we live in things would be so much better. At least I wouldn’t have to explain every tiny freaking detail of my life to my mother had it not been for this nosey villain. Every body has a mogambo in their life and mine is this arrogant man. I would love to just state my point but all that would land me is an F grade. The death of democracy I tell you… :P
Had villains and worried parents been my only problem I would have been a normal teenager barely surviving a course she is barely interested in (well I am that but more too) but then you have crummy friends who prove that every living moment its get harder and harder for you to hate them. They suck, they’re crummy and they cant do one thing right and that’s why I love having them around. Its really their imperfections and their inabilities that glorify their niceties and their awesomeness hence making them more and more irresistible. I guess that’s why its so easy for some of them to hurt me so easily. Frankly all their mistakes are rewarded with my own style of punishment… excessive drama on my part ( my imperfection) but when one of them really manages to hurt me where it hurts the most I am left as a crippled baby on the side. If you really hurt me I wont bother you rather I’d leave you alone and flee the moment I see you because looking at your face world remind me of the moment you so easily managed to hurt me. But if you stand a chance of quick forgiveness I will hang around and just wait for you to make that face or say the right thing and then surprise you with a bear hug (something I am really good at). Well the greatest friend at times do the most hurtful things. You can either forgive and when that becomes hard just blow their heads of with a gun
As for the hailstorm that I am going through. See a multi- distracted mind like my own cant just sit on a chair and study all day long ( unlike a roomy I cant name) so I tend to get attracted to doing things I am good at. Trying new things making new friends and being there for them. Working and making magic happen, using word (my only strength) to create pieces I can be proud of, dance music and madness are things that have always been my life’s fascination. And fascination is a hard emotion to overcome. I tried keeping a low profile, I tried not being so involved so that I could study (LOL) but sadly it didn’t work. I guess I need all this to keep myself occupied otherwise this mind of mine totally out of control just like me can create ideas and theories that at times terrify me. Thinking too much is a crime that’s what some one once told me and making my own world is dangerous. Well if I ever find that person I’d laugh at his face because I am amused by the ease with which he classified my mind and my thought into such a huge cliché. I am proud of my ability to think non stop and know things other people might take a lifetime to realize. And to all those who find it frustrating all I can advice is without trying, without knowing and without every experiencing the empowerment that having an opinion or an observation gifts you don’t just judge things in the narrow mould you have created. Open up or remain rigid. Then maybe one day you too might be an arrogant villain somewhere desperately trying to create a community of students whose parents you can be best friends with. Narrow mindedness is the biggest enemy of free thought. Hence I have involved myself with things and challenges that were once a part of my dreams. I cant comprehend why I had gotten into a shell afraid of my own high hopes. I guess fear of failure was a dominating factor but I never realized that this fear made me a lesser version of myself. So now I come out all guns blazing. I am not stopping myself. Well I have. When you have the kind of villains I have doing everything can become a little tough. But ultimately I am not someone you can tame so I still do the same things I used too maybe even more but now with an ambition in mind. And these new endeavors have led me to finding new people thus broadening my own opinion on a lot of things and surprisingly has initiated so many new friendships that the pain I had from old ones slowly is slipping into some corner of my heart. Ultimately the one’s who were genuine are still a major part of my life and the rest are just people I am hanging on too with dear life. But one day my grip will slip and when that happens I wont be the one in loss.
In the end it surprises me that I can find strangers or acquaintances who understand things or show emotions that I need to hear on some days that are bad. I guess god has a special way of letting you hear what you want but god might be a sadist somewhere because its always been so that the wrong person ends up saying the right thing and the right person always ends up saying the wrong thing. Life is a tragedy and god is Shakespeare.
So being totally frank all I can say is that I am addicted to this drama that life is holding around me. I don’t like it but I know that life is no dull documentary. Every person who is special in my life will have problems and my own problems always run in the background and it is that camaraderie that we have with ourselves that will take us through all the drama thus leading us to a happy and new beginning. Feeling like I am full of life right now though I am sitting in a classroom forced to study due to my own laziness and lack of interest in the course that I am studying. I guess you just cant fulfill your heart’s desire and your grade card at the same time. So captain kullu ( I am starting to like this name) signing of into the horizon on a new journey with a lot of cargo and a lot hope.
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