Today as I sit with my textbooks open on my table, trying really hard to understand all the techno gibberish that I never seem to get a hang of my mind wanders (as it always does). I have been in worse situations but I always knew how to get out and right now academics is a looming demon sitting on my head sucking all my free thinking away. I feel like a criminal wandering but I must for with out musing about life there is no meaning to living ;).
My mind wanders through the world, through the mind’s of great men and women whose ideas amaze me and most of all through my own life. Getting philosophical as always I wonder how things change all the time yet at the end of the day you end up doing the very same thing you did yesterday. I can have a war in the morning, get my mind fucked working on some circuit and almost consider suicide rather than attending another text book lecture by another professor ( they all seem the same to me with their old school ways and text book concepts) but at the end of the day I will sit in my room on my chair staring at my pc’s screen checking out Facebook and Gmail. There are so many options to pass your time. You can play Farmville, or sims and create your own virtual world. You can sit in a friend’s room and gossip about the world. You can just sleep, the best time pass till date. But none of this seems remotely challenging or meaningful. I feel like a useless person who can do nothing more than put status updates on face book.
At this precise moment the only challenge I face is acing subjects I have no clue of, which seems more of a mandatory necessity rather than an undertaken adventure and getting over some personal issues. Yet there is nothing I can do about something that affects me so much. I fear I am becoming another brainwashed fragment of the mass. Under culture or maybe under cult and trends people cant seem to realize how similar they are becoming to one another. We restrict ourselves to staying with people who have a fixed idea of things. We prefer to behave what suits our peers or our authority and we judge each other at every step we take. The worst feeling is to feel suppressed by authority that is irrational. No voice no say. All you have to do is mind your own business and move on. Either become a snitch or be prepared to be put on trial. As long as you are calm, quiet and sitting in a silent corner you are fine. Don’t question the decisions that affect your life, your friends or are simply too harsh. If you voice what you feel you’ll be on your way out of your cocoon. You can have special treatment and can be excused from diplomacy rules and actions if and only if you are willing to give certain special services that include information about the working and functioning of your own community.
As a child you are taught ideals, ideals that tell you, you must stand up for what you think is fundamentally correct. You are taught that the authority you are under must be fair. You are led to believe that the world you are in is a democracy that gives you freedom to think the way you want. Freedom to live, freedom to think, freedom to express, freedom to love, freedom to experience new things, freedom to be different and freedom to be able to explore are essential parts of developing as a human being. And when these freedoms are practiced they are tagged as vigilantism. Rebellion was a fine word to classify curiosity that the majority under the rule experienced but to crucify members who are willing to bend the rules as terrorists is an direct attack to the very ideals we were supposed to grow with. If we cant stand up to a simple institute where our basic rights are under threat and we are incapacitated to do anything what will we do when we step out into the world. Under the claim of privatization our authorities claim that they can destroy our future if we dare to have different ideas. The threat is not to set us straight but to scare us, suppress us. To prevent anyone from ever doing anything. it’s a scary thought, a scary thought indeed that despite of living in a free world we are enslaved by our own fears. They call us the future of tomorrow and yet everything we try to do, be it to have fun or to just be different or just express an opinion, is classified as out of control and criminal in nature. Such is the institute that builds a tomorrow. Such is the place that will teach us to become responsible citizen’s of a nation.
Till school each of us was taught to stand up to wrong and become strong and idealistic. In college we were supposed to learn maturity, responsibility and explore what growing up should mean. when young you have fun for you have no care in the world. But fierce independence, freedom and rational open thinking has been replaced with fear. Fear that if we did something that the big huge bully didn’t like then we would get a beating for it. I hope you understand what I mean. :-)
