a LITTLE SLIP_ PART3

The second day of the trip had to be the breakthrough I needed with my lot of nut heads. I was fast asleep in my bed dreaming of Megan Fox, she is hot. And that’s when I was violently woken from my dream date. A hyper Gunjan was trying to wake me up from what he thought was a coma. I got up all irritated and shook up and said, “WHAT THE HELL! Dude…”

Gunjan just managed, “ Roshini… crying. I saw her sitting alone on the roof. I went up to her. I tried to make her feel better but I somehow made it worse. She is crying. Help. Go. Please.”

Suddenly Megan Fox (in a feisty red bikini) evaporated and I could picture a vulnerable Roshini wailing on the roof. And if Gunjan had ‘talked’ to her I am sure she’d be feeling worse. I had to go. So I got up, popped in a mentos and walked up to the roof. I saw sweet little roshini curled up in one corner crying. Her eyes were bloodshot. Apparently her own outburst last night had left her vulnerable. I didn’t say anything I just sat next to her and let her cry.

After an hour of letting it all out her tears turned silent. And she sat next to me with her head on my shoulder. She was a special friend of mine. One of those rare few people who’d go to any lengths to protect their friends and be there for them. She had always been there for all of us. She took extra care of everyone especially Sanjay. And any guy would be lucky to have some one like Roshini love them. I couldn’t make her understand why Sanjay didn’t respond. Logic dictated that they be together. Because they did everything together. Yet love is complicated and no one can really understand it. I turned to her and said what I knew would make her smile, “ oye stop crying. Chal we’ll go and have some chocolate ice cream and then we are off. We can also mess with Gunjan.” she looked at me with her beady eyes, smiled and we both went off to an early morning ice cream and some serious Gunjan teasing time.

After we were back all of us decided to go and visit all the waterfalls that made lonavala so famous. Gunjan wanted me to present lonavala to the world. That asshole had been recording anything and everything he could. Lonavala was beautiful and the monsoon made it heaven on earth. The mountains were leaking. That’s what Gunjan kept saying. And really everywhere you looked there was a creek, or a waterfall sneaking up from some corner of the mountain. As soon as we set out towards finding a perfect picnic spot, it started drizzling.

Now everyone knew the Lonavala rule. Booze, food and a waterfall. You find a place not too far from a waterfall, you sit nearby have food, have drinks and do whatever you want and then you jump into the water. We had so much fun. Its funny, with your friends you never run short on conversation. We managed to talk for hours. Sameera lectured us on the political implications of Naxalites to which only Roshini and Sanjay responded. Me and Gunjan just pretended to listen. And then Sameera started talking about her childhood. These were always interesting. Her father had been in the army and she was a sure shot army brat. Smart, beautiful and naughty. She was one hell of a party animal. She was serious when it came to academics and serious when it came to partying. She had the best of both worlds and never let one come in the way of another. We always looked upto her thinking she’d make it big in the world. This girl knew what she wanted and always managed to get what she wanted. And her childhood tales rather escapades were always fun to listen too.

After a good long chat session we ran to the water fall. There were videos and photos that had each of us embarrassing the crap out of ourselves and one another. We were wet from head to toe. And were having the time of our life. Roshini kept close to Sanjay but didn’t talk to him. There was a strong undercurrent between them but they pretended that everything was all right. Sameera had ventured to more dangerous regions of the waterfall and Gunjan ran after her worried she’d fall. He took roshini with him. It was just me and sanjay sitting on a rock alone. That was the perfect moment to talk. I wanted to ask him everything. But I knew him too well. He’d never say what he really felt. It would all be in vain. But I had too. I had to hear it from him so that I could lay down roshini nice and easy. I started small talk about the weather and college. He looked at me and nodded. He was looking at roshini or so I thought.
And I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I blurted out, “ what’s wrong with you? Such a nice girl she is why don’t you like her. And if you don’t be a man and tell her. Let her go and be free. Why do you keep holding on to her?”

Sanjay stared at me. There was a lot in his eyes. He wanted to let it all out and he did. He said, “ I am not a nice man. Roshini is sweet, pretty and the most amazing girl I have ever known. And I don’t deserve her. I like her I do. But I don’t think I can love her. Or that I am worthy of her love. And I don’t want to loose her friendship.”

“you wont! Honesty will make your friendship stronger!” I said

“NO. its not that easy. You don’t know me. I am a bad person. I have a dirty secret. Not even roshini knows. And if you all knew you would judge me. And if I let you know I’d ruin more than one life. Oh god. I wish I could end it all. Just die. It hurts so much to cause so much pain to a friend who means so much. If roshini knew, if any of you knew what I had done. You’d all hate me.”

I was stumped. The sweetest most decent guy I had ever known was telling me he’d done something wrong. Sanjay was the most decent guy I had ever known. He was sweet, gentle and caring. A gem of a person. He was never loud, always followed the rules and never ever lost control. He had a strict family. And to gain their acceptance he’d always done what his parents had told him. Even in college he was the only guy who didn’t drink or smoke. A straight A student with no bad records. I’d have married him if I were a girl and here he sat telling me he had done something wrong. I asked him to tell me but he did not. And he left. I followed him. And after pestering him for an hour he finally told me the secret that had eaten him up from inside. We sat in this corner from where we could see the three of them having fun and we talked.

Sanjay was crying. He said, “ you remember our first college fest?” I nodded.

“That entire semester changed my life. Roshini and I were the best of friends and I loved her as a friend should. But during that semester I fell in love with someone or so I thought. She was beautiful, smart and everything I could ever want. Everyone loved her. She was one of the most sought after girls in college. I remember that we’d have overnight discussions about her. Though I hung out with Roshini a lot my eyes were always on her. I thought I was in love. And yet I could never tell her. She was always around and the guys were jealous of me because I was friends with her. The one’s who had girlfriends told me to go after her. But I knew I could never ever do anything. I told roshini about my infatuation. And she was hurt. And that’s when I found out she loved me. And my world was messed up. My best friend was in love with me and I was in love with this muse. God my infatuation had risen up to such heights that I ended up doing everything for her. I would roam around her. Wait for her calls, message her everyday and just always be around her. I wanted her but I knew I could never have her. I mean she was this popular beauty and I was just a simple no body. But something happened that changed things. It was our college fest. And our first ever concert. All of us were deeply engrossed in the music. We were dancing and she was dancing next to me. I was in heaven. I was dancing with this beautiful girl I liked. And she was friendly, a little too friendly that night. I guess she was drunk. But I was too happy to notice any of that. We got closer and closer and we kissed. One thing led to another and soon we were in some dark corner of the college. And…”

His voice was barely a whisper. He was choked up. I told him to go on and just say it.

“ And I … I… And I slept with her. It was the most wonderful night ever. I thought I was in love. I felt like the luckiest man alive. I was in love with her. I had this beautiful woman in my arms. And I felt she loved me otherwise she would have never let me get so close. It felt like love!”

I could see tears in his eyes as he spoke. And I was shocked. There was this inexplicable moment of numbness where I just couldn’t understand what could I say to make him feel different.

He continued, “ the next day I woke up with a huge smile on my face. I felt like I’d marry this girl for sure. And I needed nothing more in the world. I started thinking up of our life together. We met one another and I kept smiling at her. She was normal. That entire day I kept thinking about her and only her. But then I got a message from her. She texted me to meet her where we had hooked up. I thought I would get lucky again. And that I would tell her how much I love her. But I never thought about what she wanted. When I went there, she was sitting all alone. She looked beautiful. I went and sat next to her. A few moments of silence passed between us and then I couldn’t help myself I leaned on her to kiss her. But she stopped me. I was taken aback. I couldn’t understand. She stood up and turned to me and said, “ I am sorry Sanjay. I cant do this.” I was confused. I couldn’t understand. I asked her why. I told her that last night had been so special for the both of us. She was my first and I was in love with her. I blurted it all out. How I had crushed over her ever since I had seen her. She just kept saying no. I couldn’t understand. And then she said something that ruined everything for me. She said that I was just another drunken mistake. She was in love with someone else. I was just an escapade. She could never love someone like me. I was not her type. And she left. I went after her. I told her that we had a connection. We had something magical between us. And she turned to me and with cold accusing eyes  she told me that I had taken advantage of her in her drunken state. And she‘d loose all her rep if anyone ever found out. And every time I see her my heart aches. I couldn’t tell anyone. No one should ever know. It’d  ruin her reputation. You know how college guys talk about girls. And worst of all I had to hide it from you and Roshini. And roshini. Man I was blind. I had this amazing girl who loves me. I want to love her. But I just cant. Roshini is so innocent. She thinks I am this nice decent guy who could never hurt a fly. But look at what I did. I slept with a girl and took advantage of her.”

“but you did offer her love and commitment. Its not your fault!” I replied meekly still in shock from all that I had heard.

“so? That’s no excuse! You know I can say I am just a man. But I was brought up better. And I am ashamed. And I just cant face Roshini. She thinks of me as a nice decent guy and I just cant break her heart with the truth. So I say nothing. I know I am hurting her more but I just cant face her and break her heart also! The truth will destroy everything. I know it.”

With that Sanjay broke down. I sat with him and saw this man repent. Repent a mistake. He shouldn’t have blamed himself so much for. My old man had once told me when he found out that I had cheated in my exams “you yourself decide how guilt free or guilty you really are! No one else can make you suffer until and unless you let them!” He had this way of never accusing me but always making me feel guilty for whatever wrong I did!

 But for Sanjay morality and conscience belonged to some new dimension. And as I sat there I began to understand how Sanjay would never face roshini. And how roshini would end up hurt either way. And then I began to wonder who this girl really was?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The door to the office slammed open and Prabhat came rushing inside.

“APTE. Autopsy report is here, the murder weapon has been identified. One of them did it. I am sure this time.” said Prabhakar

“Call them inside! Lets find that murderer!” said Apte.
The room soon filled in with the young group that had been waiting outside. They all took their seats on the table facing the policemen.
Prabhaker smiled at all of them and Apte wore a solemn look.

“You know what kids, I too had a nice group of friends like you all back in college. Its nice to have people around! isn’t it, Apte?”

“Don’t know! I never had any friends in college!”

“Really, well that suddenly makes a lot of sense. You know kids he loves his job. And he is so damn good at it because he hates criminals. Oh the things he has done to get them to confess! Gives me the chills!”

“This talk business never helps. Let me torture the truth out of these SOB’s” growled Apte.

“Relax Apte. Relax! They might be telling the truth. Give me a chance to talk to them. I have read and read all your statements over and over again. Gone through your tapes. Observed every action and reaction you gave. You know what. Your story checks out! It would have all worked out had the body disappeared. But we found his body! And autopsy report says this was cold blooded murder! Aah friendship! it’s a beautiful bond. Isn’t it? Covering for each other, saving one another from problems and being there for your friends. You all seem to be very good friends. Are you, Gunjan?”
Shaking uncontrollably Gunjan nodded.

“REALLY? DO YOU FEEL NO SHAME?”screamed Apte.

“Now Apte calm down!”

“I COULD JUST BEAT THE TRUTH OUT OF THIS ONE. GIVE HIM TO ME!”

Prabhakar got up and held Apte back.

Sanjay intervened and requested, “Sir please. Why would any one of us be involved? Please.”

“Tsk tsk. You know what Apte we are novices. We have held these innocent children here. Why would they be involved. What MOTIVE would they have?”

Apte gave a twisted smile.

Prabhakar continued, “ unfortunately for you boy you gave us your motives in our own hands. We know everything from your girlfriend over there to your one night stand to the drugs, the lies and the fights you all had. One of you forgot to switch the tape off. Your last moments are almost there.”

“We know what happened. But are waiting for you suckers to own up!” added Apte.

And there was terror on their faces. Fear is a twisted feeling. It can generate foolishness and brilliance at the same moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from the writer :-

I am sorry i know this is too big...but its an important part of the story...hope you enjoyed it...pls comment so i know who all are reading and can tell them when the next part comes out :)

A LITTLE SLIP_ PART2

PART2


These police rooms are weird. I don’t know what they call it. Its not the police station some special place. And I saw them all sitting there. Gunjy looked like he was about to cry. Sanjay sat in a corner with his left leg shaking violently (he did that whenever he felt nervous. You should have seen him during exams, it seemed his leg would fall off). Roshani was weeping already. I could tell from her eyes she’d been crying a lot. Sameera sat in a state of stupor. As if she had received the shock of her life. It was heartbreaking to see them like that. I just wanted to hug them and say it was all right but I too was scared. This was too big a problem and too huge a mess to get out of by having a campfire and drinking.

The shady door opened and this old policeman like man with a little brown moustache and balding head called out, “GUNJAN GARG, come inside. The chief wants to have a word with you. Do the rest of you need anything?”

Gunjan broke down. He was terrified. But reluctantly got up and started walking towards the door. Sanjay got up and put his arm around Gunjan giving him all the support he could muster. He asked the policeman, “Mister, how long will we be held here?”
The man replied, “Son, it could take a lot of time. This aint no piece of cake. If you people get hungry tell that orderly over there to get you some food. Your going to stay here for a long long time. Get comfortable!”
And just like that Gunjan disappeared into the room. I knew they picked him because he’d be the easiest to break. I wish I could be in there with him.

“you are Gunjan Garg?” came a voice.

Quivering Gunjan looked up at the two men seated right in front of him. One man had a friendly old face. The kind he’d smile at if he’d known him. The other had a scar right through his left eye giving him a sinister look.
The nice looking officer smiled at Gunjan and said, “ son, don’t worry. We are just going to ask you a few question about what happened. I am officer Prabhakar Alluhwalia and this is my colleague officer Mahim Apte. Just tell us what exactly happened there on the waterfall?”

Gunjan felt a sudden ease in the way this nice man spoke. And began describing what had happened that fateful morning. They repeated the same protocol with everyone. One after the other that incident was recalled. That dreadful incident that changed everything. Whoever said ‘well begun is half done never saw a terrible ending.


        The first night was the best night. I remember it. The first night had to go perfect was what I was thinking. “well begun is half done” my old man had told me right before my final’s for my first year exams. He never stopped preaching. And I loved it about him.

We had been driving for almost three hours and within an hour more we’d reach our destination. Suddenly it started raining. And my semi- bored buddy Gunjan rolled down his window. He stared out at the beauty of everything around and proclaimed, “There is something about monsoons and lonavala. Monsoon for lonavala is like a boob job. It accentuates the beauty that has always been there but never gotten its due.”

All I could do was laugh in response to my buddy. He’d somehow combined mother nature and boobs in one simple line. All the windows in my car were rolled down. Sameera was awake. Roshini had finally set Sanjay free and we were all taking in the beauty nice cold shower. Something in me clicked and I parked my car in a little opening I found while driving through the mountains. All of us got out and started dancing in the rain. My car stereo supplied the music. Gunjan somehow found the beer stashed under the backseat and five of us danced like crazy. After a couple of killer dance moves, a photo and a mad video of how Sameera went wild all of us sat down. When your high and its raining your just in the mood to talk. Gunjan started with his philosophy about life. He started talking about how he’d  join Osho’s Ashram. And change the world with his spiritual powers. But we all knew he only wanted to go there because rumours said that you could easily get laid. Spiritually high foreigners put out as easily as drunk ugly one’s do.

But Gunjan’s rambling was interrupted by Roshini, “ SEX, SEX and more SEX.. that’s all you want you foolish little boy ( Gunjan winced twice- he‘d been called a little boy by a small petite girl)! I want love. I want a guy to love me, hold me and just make me the happiest woman on earth. I am unusually small. Have pimple filled cheeks and my hair never grows longer than my shoulders. But I have a good heart. don’t I Sanjay?”
When high Sanjay only nods and smile. Sometimes he laughs hysterically as well. He nodded heavily in response to Roshini’s rhetorical question for two reasons- everyone is scared of a drunk Roshini and Sanjay really believed her.

“then why don’t you love me back? Huh Sanjay! Your nice to me. You listen to me. You bear with every annoying thing I do. You even play that stupid car game with me. You sit with me because you know no one else ever does. You were the first one out of these four to be my friend. You tutored me when I flunked a course. You care but you cant love me. It’s because I am not pretty. Am I? I am just your average nerdy weird girl. Who everyone needs but no one wants. Huh?”

Sanjay’s smile disappeared and he kept staring absently somewhere else. He didn’t say a word. Roshini’s infatuation with Sanjay had begun long back. Sanjay knew it and so did everyone else. Roshini tried hard to make him like her. He liked her. But as a friend. He was protective about her because of her excessive vulnerability. He’d once told me that he cared for her but couldn’t bring himself to love her the way she deserved. I just wish he’d once say it to her face. But he always silently beared her venting and then all of us would pretend as if nothing had happened. We all sat there in silence watching Roshini suffer.


In a perfect world Sanjay would have told Roshini honestly what he needed to. It’d break her heart but eventually she’d come to terms with it. And somewhere down the line they could be friends again. And all would be fine. But its not a perfect world. No one is honest. No one is frank. Everyone pretends to avoid altercations and most importantly to avoid what they fear. So after few awkward minutes of silence Gunjan broke the ice with a song, “ Gum hain kisi ke pyaar mein…” and we all joined in. Roshini sulked for a while but then joined in the celebrations. I could see how sad she was and I wanted to help her but I also wanted to avoid another of her emotional outbursts. So I chose comfort like I always do.
After wasting three good hours bashing professors, toppers and some seniors we crawled back into my red Indica. By midnight we reached our place of residence. A decent two star motel called ‘Jai Mata Di’. We rushed to the roof and had a night of pakodas, hot tea and a view of lonavala no other place could give. And then we slept like babies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“How can you be so sure it’s not just an accident? What’s the use of taking their statements, Apte?”

“Prabhat, sir gave us orders and we have to follow them. We did interview these kids.”

“Sir, why are we wasting our time on this case. The body is lost. Their statements are pretty much in synch with one another. Then why can we not just shut this case and get done with it?” said officer Prabhat.

“Because we found the body!” said a stern voice that belonged to the chief.

“What?”

“Yes the body was found by a local while you were interrogating these kids. And that anonymous call led us in the right direction. The body was found and an autopsy was carried out. Apparently this is cold blooded murder. A stab wound was found. They are analyzing it and we’ll soon know the weapon of murder. But this is murder. We need to investigate it. So you have all the statements?”

Apte replied, “ Yes sir. Their stories check out. Each of them has the same story. With a little changes. if one of them did it we need to uncover the motive. I have been going through the tapes and apparently this holiday tape they made has a lot more in it than we expected.”

“Either one of them is lying or all of them are lying. Whichever the case maybe. One person is dead and someone is liable. I think we should interview them together. But I will need to see their statements once. Send me the recorded statements Apte!”

“Yes sir. They are already on your desk.”

“So one of these innocent looking kids is a murderer. Apte, lets get them to start talking!” said Prabhat.

That room was a cold cold place. I could see fear in their eyes. That door had remained closed for hours. We knew that the three officers were discussing us. Our trip. They had confiscated everything. Our videos, our photographs and my red indica. Those videos held everything. Gunjan had made it a point to record every moment of this trip. From the first night to the last  moment we were celebrating was held in that camera along with a lot of other things that shouldn’t have been there. And it was just a matter of time when everything would be out in the open. Our lives, our personal secrets and the grudges we held would all come out for the world to see. I knew my old man was disappointed I could just picture him giving me his disappointed nod with his lips pursed tightly together. And it hurt. But I was stuck. We all were stuck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A LITTLE SLIP_ PART1

A little slip

:beep:

“abe, its recording. Say something.”

“Oh crap you caught me off guard. Fine I’l start! (clears his throat) LONAVALA… paradise on earth. On this historical day five brave hearts embark upon this dangerous journey to conquer the land of LONAVALA.”

Cameraman says “dude that’s lame!”

“What the hell! Hey I am in my zone dude! Let it play. I know you’ll like it! Anyways to the one’s that watch us. We five brave hearts from the land unknown come to begin our journey to the land of lonavala. This monsoon is going to be a monsoon none of us will ever forget. And hence begins our journey…okay this is sounding really lame…let‘s take it again…. LO…”

CLICK. The video pauses and the frame freezes. On screen you have a young twenty year old with a smug smile and a goofy face staring back at the room.

From a dark room watching this video comes a hoarse stern voice, “ Sir this video was found from their car. I believe it can help us.”

“isn’t this an accident? Why cant we just shut it down?” another voice shot in the dark.

The same hoarse voice responded, “ Because this is no ordinary accident. This can become a high profile case. We cant just shut it down. The anonymous call changed everything. Media coverage is our biggest worry. We are under tremendous pressure to get to the bottom of this.”

A deep voice responded, “ do we have all of them in custody?”

“yes sir, they are all waiting outside.”

“Have you covered the crime site?”

“we have sealed it off to visitors. But we couldn’t get much. The only thing we have are these video tapes and the statements of these kids.”

“hmmm… put each of them in a separate room and we will interrogate them individually! Lets see which one of them is lying!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

I remember what my old man had told me as I was about to get on the train to go to my new college. He told me, “ Son you are going on a journey that would decide your life ahead. So DON’T MESS IT UP!” and did I mess up my life. But I hade four partners in crime. My friends. My college buddies. The people I booze with, the people I loot for money and the assholes who leave me with an empty wallet, every chance they get.

Living with them through the up’s and downs taught me a lot about life. And I guess we struggled a lot to survive and had to fight to sustain our friendship. Things always get complicated when you start falling in love with your best friend. But I really thought we’d been through it all. I planned this trip to lonavala to bring them all back. Its tough work but when Roshini came up and told me all the undercurrents that nearly destroyed each of us I knew it was time to do something.

So the moment our last paper got over and my buddies started pouring out from their horrid life ending experiences ( for all except Sameera) I left each of them a text.

The text was simple:- Meet me @ 6. Nr our colg gate. Bring toothbrush, 3 pairs of clean underwear, ur own towel n cams. Be there on time. M takin u places J

I knew how each of them must’ve reacted. Roshini would’ve smiled and followed the text message to every core detail. Gunjan would be jumping up and down on his bed. He knew I’d arrange for the booze and getting drunk was the only state that kept him happy after exams. My best friend super geek Sanjay would be half asleep when he’d see the message and would give me half a smile, call me a bad word and start packing. Because he could never let me go alone. And finally Sameera, she’d be the only one who’d text me back asking where we were going, how would we go, what arrangements have been made… etc etc. its not easy to take Sameera Trivedi out on a spontaneous trip. Never in my life have I ever seen her take an adventure without planning it right down to the very last detail. Her motto in life if you plan it right you’ll end up having more fun, and what can be better than organized fun. I barf every time I hear it.

So I stood there by my Red Ferrari ( okay its an INDICA). I am no AMBANI. But me and Gunjan call it the FERRARI. Because we have gone to ‘high’ places in that indica. Its my prized possession. I had to get First class for two consecutive semesters in order to lay my hands on that sweet ride. My father is a wise trader. His conditions demanded a first class result, an economical budget of 25k per semester and no piercing in private or public parts of my body till at least my first year and then Ferrari would be mine. All mine. So I cheated shamelessly, have unpaid accounts in several places and I got nothing pierced but something tattooed. After all the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I stood by my Ferrari thinking about my old man I saw the four heroes coming through the gate. Over packed roshani, under packed Gunjan, smartly packed Sanjay and an agitated Sameera came walking towards me. Gunjan jumped right next to the driver seat and Roshini and Sanjay quietly sat in the back seat. As I was about to take my seat Sameera pulled me back and began the lecture I had heard every time we ever did something crazy. Her lips were moving and I could actually lip synch. I felt like I am her groupie and she was my rock god. And I was mouthing the words to her most popular song. It was the usual how can you be so irresponsible and such a huge prick. You cant reply. I have worrying parents I need to answer too. I don’t have money growing on trees. It’s not that easy for a girl to just jump into a car and drive off to neverland. You know you had me worried. I haven’t slept a wink since you told me this and I had been up all night. Blah blah blah.

Once her siren was off she took her seat still agitated. Poor Sanjay. He was stuck between two women who wouldn’t make his journey any easier. As soon as we hit the road. Sameera dozed off. And she is a drooler. While Roshini had this irritating habit of playing annoying car games from the usual ‘20 questions’ to ‘add the number plate numbers’ . Sanjay being the coy gentleman he is, he lent his right shoulder to a drooling Sameera and his left ear and sacrificed his peace of mind to Roshini’s incessant questions about who the celebrity was in Sanjay’s mind. Me and Gunjan spared a few thoughts for the unlucky bastard and then went back to discussing cricket, chics and booze. Those were my friends.

Despite their drama I knew they trusted me. Neither had asked where I was taking them. I loved them all. But I knew we all needed it. Though on the surface we were perfect but inside there were a lot of unresolved emotions that if suppressed any longer could turn nasty. At least that’s what Roshini told me. But she worded it so well I had to use it. Makes you sound smart. But I knew something she didn’t- to every problem we had ever had there was always one solution. A camp fire, booze and a lot of talking. Always worked wonders. And I knew Lonavala would make things all right. I really wish I had known then what I know now. Of how it all turned out. Could have spared me a lot of drama and most importantly of this mess we all were in. Oh man did life screw us!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part 2 will be out in two days.... temme if you want to read more...

i wish i was a machine

I wish I was a machine.

I could do so much more

No heart no feelings

No pain no tears

All I’d do is my job

And no irrational fears

The people around me

Would be so happy

With me around

I’d listen but not hear

I’d talk but never connect

No connection

No relation

No expectation

No disappointment

Life’d be so easy

I wouldn’t have to smile

I wouldn’t have to cry

I could just be updated

And I wouldn’t have to die.

No one would cry

Instead people would

Applaud my latest up gradation

I would never feel nor cause

Anyone any frustration

No pain to no one

Life’d be fine

All I’d have to do

Is oil myself and polish

And the very next day

I’d really shine

Life would be so easy

Life would be fine

If all I was, was nothing

More than a simple machine

TWEET MY HEART OUT….

Not long ago I fought with a friend and the first thing I did was take that person off my friend list on face book. And I deleted her from my orkut friend list. And I made sure that she had no role in my cyber life. And yet her number is still in my cell phone and I see her almost everyday. Yet mentally I know she is so not my friend because she is off my face book friend list. that’s how things have become today. Not so long a ago strained relationships, break ups and falling out meant loosing out on friends and people that were once important in your life. Today its an entirely different ball game.

So Maya broke up with her boyfriend and she wrote a nasty poem blasting him off on her blog. She received an anonymous comment trashing her poem and ruining her creative instincts. Mathew’s latest face book status talks about a mystery woman who has stunned the daylights out of him. Sheila’s albums on face book are a hit in her campus. They always have all the popular ( read pretty ) people tagged in them. A great way to send out friend requests. Karan must be really popular, he has over 400 friends on face book. And if shahid kapoor, shashi tharoor and even Narendra Modi are tweeting why the hell should I stay behind.

Twitter, face book, and an obsolete orkut are the coffee houses of the greatest thinker’s of the 21st century. I remember my history teacher telling us of how during renaissance the great thinkers and philosophers would meet in tiny coffee houses and discuss the ways of the world in the confinements of those small stuffy coffee houses, far away from the despotism, tyranny and dictatorship that was rampant outside. And today as I sit and look at twitter to grab the latest update on the IPL fiasco and simultaneously check my face book account to see if any of my friends saw my latest update describing my current mental trauma over an examination that’s killing me I cant help but think is the cyber world our new coffee house. The world’s coffee place. A platform where public scrutiny as well as blunt expression of your own opinions, your emotions and your situations go along together in a symbiotic relationship. Cyberspace is our new platform to build everything from our social status to our political beliefs. The power men, the alpha males of our current society are using twitter with all guns blazing, unleashing a never ending and open under the table conspiracy. You have top notch celebrities discussing their over the top glamorous world on twitter, tweeting about their trips and hectic schedules. You have Mos’s describing their political dreams and agendas on twitter and you have fake Mayawati profiles on face book talking about the next statue and its position.

Why go to the popular faces, think of your own face book life. All your old friends, old photographs and status updates. From blog posts to 140 character status updates cyberspace has given our society something that was so exclusive a few decades ago. Cyberspace has given us our very own global coffee house where we can narrate our tales of heart breaks, our ideas for our future, our fears and worst of all our opinions about the present scene.

Each and everyone of us has at some time or the other punched in that frustrated one liner specifically aiming at that someone special who was the reason for all the drama in our life. Or punched in that romantic song to tell the world ( and all those interested) that someone is in a romantic mood. Or openly flirt with that guy/ gal you just cant take your eyes off. With utmost honestly just ask yourself, don’t you wait to see the comments on your own photograph or your own status update right after you posted it. don’t you open twitter just to see what tharoor posted or who is chetan bhagat talking about now.

Facebook is your own modern way of having a heart to heart with the world. You throw an idea, an emotion or just a thought out there for the world ( that you created by accepting friend requests) to see and scrutinize. Sometimes you find a stranger you cant see but still can talk to or sometimes your find an old friend you cant believe you lost touch with. And most of the time you just end up saying what you never were able to on the face through you latest tweet or face book update. The world has definitely become smaller. And yet the platform to open up and discuss ideas and opinions widened.

Be it a heart to heart with your friend or an open attack on something you don’t support face book and twitter are the new coffee houses of the 21st century.

Cyber space gives you a fiercely independent and unmonitored doorway into a whirlpool of the world. Access what you want, follow what you like and comment on as you wish. From analyzing you daily luck to finding out whom your going to marry in the next few years you have all your answers right there in front of you! I guess having a heart to heart is out dated but tweeting about the way you feel is just right. After all we are the SMS generation… ;)

LAB RAT

LAB RAT!
They sat under the starry night in the same place they had occupied not so long ago. Hand in hand
they stared at the wonderful starry sky overhead lost in a dreamy world. At least one of them was. She couldn’t stop thinking of how lucky she felt. This guy wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t anything like she had ever imagined. He was different but something in him had made her fall for him. And despite denying it all along they had by some grace hooked up. It had taken him almost half a year to convince her that he was in love with her. She never believed it but when he persisted she had too. After all he was the guy she wanted.
Their love story was like every other yet it had something special sprinkled all over it. The girl was a clumsy oaf who had frizzy hair and a crooked nose. But her heart was special, big enough to love the world. The guy was average in all means possible. He was tall, geeky and huggable. Qualities she never thought would make her heart flip. The guy was convinced that he would always be a nobody and yet to the girl he meant everything. He always wondered why would anyone ever love him and she wondered why doesn’t he see the wonderful inside him. She saw a spark in his eyes when he played music. She saw a brightness on his face when he solved physics. She saw how his hugs were always around whenever she needed him and she knew that she loved him for all his flaws- a perfect love she had only read of in story books.
He saw that this girl loved him. He knew he was her confidant and he knew that frizzy hair and a crooked nose were the best he could do with his awkward height and geekish looks. She did care and she was always there. He knew that she loved him and so he had proposed almost six months back. It had been a year and the fireworks did fly for sometime. In both their meaningless lives they were there for each other. And the world barely knew. Who would know a librarian dating a lab assistant there were million such spread all over. He hadn’t yet introduced her to his buddies but had met all her friends. Somehow he felt shame in showing her off. Being a lab assistant he had worked under some sultry women yet women were never easy to come. Though having a girlfriend would have made him a player he somehow could never bring her up. They teased him with the finest and he was stuck with crap. At least that’s how he knew other’s would feel and somehow that mattered more than anything else. But her heart kept him tied to her. He knew that no other girl would ever do so much as he could have her do.
And for the first few months he actually felt smitten. Whenever she’d ask to meet his family or friends he’d avoid the conversation with an excuse. that’s how the relationship was. She was in love and he was enjoying being loved. Six months ago love had happened for her and she knew he’d be her guy. She knew he was special as he had a heart of gold. She loved him for all his honesty. And six months later as they sat under the starry sky all she wanted to do was give her man a simple kiss. As she drew close he drew closer and just as their lips were about to meet he pushed her away saying, “ I need to tell you something important!”
She batted her eyelashes reminiscing how he had made her life amazing by saying those magic words first. She knew that though rare and few his words always managed to bedazzle her. She waited for him to speak and took his hand in hers.
“I don’t love you! It was all in a moment’s heat. I hope you understand. I really need to leave. We’ll talk soon. Keep in touch!”
And he left. She sat their all alone under the same starry night. Tears in her eyes. A crack in her heart and a lot of pain she never had felt before. After all she was the girl with a crooked nose and frizzy hair who really didn’t deserve love or even a respectable goodbye. They barely talked. She called him he avoided her as much as he could. And she never got to say goodbye.
Today she is still a girl with a crooked nose, frizzy hair and a broken heart. And he is with his buddies comparing whose supervisor is hotter!
Life is too big an experience and love is too big a risk. You never give your heart it gets taken away. so when you get it back all tattered into pieces you can either sit and cry or give life another chance.

another brick in the wall

Today as I sit with my textbooks open on my table, trying really hard to understand all the techno gibberish that I never seem to get a hang of my mind wanders (as it always does). I have been in worse situations but I always knew how to get out and right now academics is a looming demon sitting on my head sucking all my free thinking away. I feel like a criminal wandering but I must for with out musing about life there is no meaning to living ;).
My mind wanders through the world, through the mind’s of great men and women whose ideas amaze me and most of all through my own life. Getting philosophical as always I wonder how things change all the time yet at the end of the day you end up doing the very same thing you did yesterday. I can have a war in the morning, get my mind fucked working on some circuit and almost consider suicide rather than attending another text book lecture by another professor ( they all seem the same to me with their old school ways and text book concepts) but at the end of the day I will sit in my room on my chair staring at my pc’s screen checking out Facebook and Gmail. There are so many options to pass your time. You can play Farmville, or sims and create your own virtual world. You can sit in a friend’s room and gossip about the world. You can just sleep, the best time pass till date. But none of this seems remotely challenging or meaningful. I feel like a useless person who can do nothing more than put status updates on face book.
At this precise moment the only challenge I face is acing subjects I have no clue of, which seems more of a mandatory necessity rather than an undertaken adventure and getting over some personal issues. Yet there is nothing I can do about something that affects me so much. I fear I am becoming another brainwashed fragment of the mass. Under culture or maybe under cult and trends people cant seem to realize how similar they are becoming to one another. We restrict ourselves to staying with people who have a fixed idea of things. We prefer to behave what suits our peers or our authority and we judge each other at every step we take. The worst feeling is to feel suppressed by authority that is irrational. No voice no say. All you have to do is mind your own business and move on. Either become a snitch or be prepared to be put on trial. As long as you are calm, quiet and sitting in a silent corner you are fine. Don’t question the decisions that affect your life, your friends or are simply too harsh. If you voice what you feel you’ll be on your way out of your cocoon. You can have special treatment and can be excused from diplomacy rules and actions if and only if you are willing to give certain special services that include information about the working and functioning of your own community.
As a child you are taught ideals, ideals that tell you, you must stand up for what you think is fundamentally correct. You are taught that the authority you are under must be fair. You are led to believe that the world you are in is a democracy that gives you freedom to think the way you want. Freedom to live, freedom to think, freedom to express, freedom to love, freedom to experience new things, freedom to be different and freedom to be able to explore are essential parts of developing as a human being. And when these freedoms are practiced they are tagged as vigilantism. Rebellion was a fine word to classify curiosity that the majority under the rule experienced but to crucify members who are willing to bend the rules as terrorists is an direct attack to the very ideals we were supposed to grow with. If we cant stand up to a simple institute where our basic rights are under threat and we are incapacitated to do anything what will we do when we step out into the world. Under the claim of privatization our authorities claim that they can destroy our future if we dare to have different ideas. The threat is not to set us straight but to scare us, suppress us. To prevent anyone from ever doing anything. it’s a scary thought, a scary thought indeed that despite of living in a free world we are enslaved by our own fears. They call us the future of tomorrow and yet everything we try to do, be it to have fun or to just be different or just express an opinion, is classified as out of control and criminal in nature. Such is the institute that builds a tomorrow. Such is the place that will teach us to become responsible citizen’s of a nation.
Till school each of us was taught to stand up to wrong and become strong and idealistic. In college we were supposed to learn maturity, responsibility and explore what growing up should mean. when young you have fun for you have no care in the world. But fierce independence, freedom and rational open thinking has been replaced with fear. Fear that if we did something that the big huge bully didn’t like then we would get a beating for it. I hope you understand what I mean. :-)