BLIND

A city, a college and a career. Three things that define a lot more than any aptitude test can. As an impressionable modern young girl with a education career poses to be my only source that could help me sustain this life and more importantly this life style that I have grown accustomed to. Starting with the city I live in, I live in a simple city rather a mega city. it’s a fine cross between your run of the mill small towns with its own dash of modernity.  Gujarati at heart but dressed with Versace I am surrounded by people from all walks of life and all types of Guajarati. They are sweet with everyone, they have fun all the bloody time and they are smart when it comes to making money. And then there is my own background. A family full of professors, IAS officers, doctors and engineers and over expecting parents. They have big expectations and so do I. I love writing but I could never settle for a life that survives from paycheck to paycheck. And of course I am not the kind to shun away responsibility. So its tough to grow up in an environment where money is made and spent like the flow of a flooded river. Moreover morality poses a bigger dilemma than ever. Being brought up with values like sincerity, honesty, compassion and social responsibility doesn’t really prepare you for the world. It just kind of builds a character that you end up protecting and fighting, for the rest of your life.
Moreover college is your world. You have your peers, your friends who have dreams of their own, up bringing of their own and ideas of their own. Your ideas seem unreal in front of their more practical decisions. Your life seems more sketchy compared to their rich business nets to fall back on. Becoming an engineer was never a choice it was always the other alternative to medicine which I took fearing the intensity of studying medical demanded. And now that I am a proud Five point something Engineer in my third year I have the second biggest foot hold in my career glaring right into my eyes. And this time again I have two major choices- go corporate or go government. MBA or IAS.
Honestly being a topper in school is the worst fate a child can suffer. When you prove to your parents that you can win the battles they believe you can master the bigger wars. They brought me up with the belief that I could conquer the world if I wanted to and that I am destined too. And honestly this very belief scares the hell out of me. This entire deal with survival of the fittest. I envy the thinker of renaissance or the old poets and pundits that adorned the king’s court. They were treated like jewels as entertainers. Their work was appreciated and they lived an easy life. It is this easy life that we all fight for. Everyone wants to make it big and make life easy. The real reason for the shark fight out there. I can be romantic and talk about life as an artist who only lives to write. But romance is only as good as the three hour movie you watch. Once the romance fades reality hits you right in your front teeth. So now I am down to two choices ( my only choices)- either I can join the Indian Administrative Services and serve my country and gain access to power or I can gain the much coveted MBA degree from a venerable institute ( IIM or maybe abroad ) and become a big shot ceo in a company and earn in millions. I know I can do it. If I put my heart into it I can do it. As my dad makes me believe that I can rule the world. But these choices seem more like a rope around my neck. What do I pick? Do I go with that patriotism that I am struggling to keep alive within me or should I go for the comfort that I have grown so accustomed too. And I have seen great honest men turn into power hungry animals in a government that is meek internationally and a bully nationally.
All of us have heard the story of the unfortunate poor Indian who came in the way of the government. There are cover ups and there are conspiracies. The government is like the mafia with a license. Encounters, politically motivated murders and what not. Government kind of gives you ultimate security. And in turn you must give into the system. You can either get involved and alter your ways or you can stand as a distant by stander who never interferes- does his/her work and leaves. You take control and you have to control everything or be controlled.
And then there is corporate. You get to swim in money but that’s about it. You go against the very environment you want to protect. You cheat and bribe your own government. And you work like a dog so that you can live like a king. You are like the million others who pass out with you every day. You come up with thankless schemes for investment of money ( yours or someone else’s). and the only adventure your life has is the fluctuating market. You play with money. You win you earn loads. You loose someone looses a lot.
So it’s a choice between power and money. Two things you run after. Its like the decision you make is going to decide your position in the world. They talk about how miserable life gets and I somehow feel like a misfit. This choice is trouble. For someone who has no clue about life I feel like a blind person crossing a six lane highway on my own. Every step I take could take me to the safe side or could put right in front of a truck and then I am off the road.