three days- five exams and a trunk load of superhuman effort to manage a passing grade in these terribly frustrating subjects and finally it ended today. examination to me has always been a war. a war where hunger sleep thirst and normality are luxuries that you just cant afford. of course the normal symptoms do show during this difficult time. i make promises to myself to remain regular in class and my studies. also preparing for an exam is like a mind wandering fest. the best ideas and the worst ideas and also the weirdest ones attack my brain when i have to sit with one book and study that subject the entire day. moreover this battle called exams is a lone war and all you can do is helplessly stare at the titans who worked harder or simply were not as lazy as you. but during this frustrating time period i discovered a wonderful side to life. its a shot in the dark but i had the best time preparing for these insems. the output might not change and i might bomb in the exams as i usually do but this time i tried and more importantly i had a wonderful friend by my side.
misery loves partners. and adversity unites the worst of enemies. and she is the best of my friends. we had fun all the time while studying together and combined our brains worked faster. i guess its what is called an experience of a successful partnership. friendship has always been a perplexing relationship. you never know how genuine it really is until life screws you over and you are left hopeless and helpless. every relationship you hold has a different level to it. however moving aside from the usual emotional stuff i noticed that having someone around who is almost as screwed up as you helps. its a very sadistic thought but drowning alone hurts more than drowning with an entire crew ;)...
aah... but independence has its own taste. after tough times nothingness and uselessness seem like heavenly luxuries that you get to indulge in. of course the daily rut will start again soon and we will again become factory churned robots struggling with the perfections that the world demands and fighting with our own imperfections . sometimes this rut really frustrates me. i want to be able to do whatever i want whenever i want and that feeling is growing stronger with the rut that my life is becoming. first year in college was an experience of a lifetime. liberation and utltimate freedom however that did shake my core as i had become reckless and irresponisible (a very dangerous side effect of unquestioned freedom) but now life is getting back on track and a lot of things that seemed amazing once are becoming insignificant now. but that fear still lives in me. i dont want a rut but i do want a simple life. i want to be able to see the world and yet come back home and have dinner with my family and friends. i want to have all the relationships that make life special but i do not want to loose myself. its frustrating to think that its always the choice that you make that determines the way your life is going to be leaving you helpless with just one thought- when will it get easy?
i guess it never does and i believe it never should. life is really a journey and no philosophical intent shown here but i must say every little struggle that i go through changes me and yet strengthens the person inside that i have kept alive. well the taste of freedom is still intoxicating but responsibility calls and its just something that you have to do.... :)