Thursday, October 1, 2009

this is why i am hot :P

This is why I am hot! :P

Captain kullu. That’s what my beloved friends call me these days. And though I hate that name it always brings a smile on my face. The past few weeks were literally like being stuck in a reality s how with tons of drama and unnecessary emotions. A simple life is a luxury but one filled with drama is an addiction. A hailstorm that’s how I describe the time that I am going through. At first there was this wicked villain who has apparently become my mother’s best friend these days who kept calling me to his crummy office and lecturing me on how wrong my life is. Parents and villains is the most deadliest combination you will ever find. I’d rather pull all my teeth out than sit and listen to this bitter man bash everything that’s wrong with my generation. Such narrow mindedness and lack of ability to really appreciate the world really disappoints me. If only people could rise from their own narrow moulds and ideas and accept the beauty of the time we live in things would be so much better. At least I wouldn’t have to explain every tiny freaking detail of my life to my mother had it not been for this nosey villain. Every body has a mogambo in their life and mine is this arrogant man. I would love to just state my point but all that would land me is an F grade. The death of democracy I tell you… :P

Had villains and worried parents been my only problem I would have been a normal teenager barely surviving a course she is barely interested in (well I am that but more too) but then you have crummy friends who prove that every living moment its get harder and harder for you to hate them. They suck, they’re crummy and they cant do one thing right and that’s why I love having them around. Its really their imperfections and their inabilities that glorify their niceties and their awesomeness hence making them more and more irresistible. I guess that’s why its so easy for some of them to hurt me so easily. Frankly all their mistakes are rewarded with my own style of punishment… excessive drama on my part ( my imperfection) but when one of them really manages to hurt me where it hurts the most I am left as a crippled baby on the side. If you really hurt me I wont bother you rather I’d leave you alone and flee the moment I see you because looking at your face world remind me of the moment you so easily managed to hurt me. But if you stand a chance of quick forgiveness I will hang around and just wait for you to make that face or say the right thing and then surprise you with a bear hug (something I am really good at). Well the greatest friend at times do the most hurtful things. You can either forgive and when that becomes hard just blow their heads of with a gun

As for the hailstorm that I am going through. See a multi- distracted mind like my own cant just sit on a chair and study all day long ( unlike a roomy I cant name) so I tend to get attracted to doing things I am good at. Trying new things making new friends and being there for them. Working and making magic happen, using word (my only strength) to create pieces I can be proud of, dance music and madness are things that have always been my life’s fascination. And fascination is a hard emotion to overcome. I tried keeping a low profile, I tried not being so involved so that I could study (LOL) but sadly it didn’t work. I guess I need all this to keep myself occupied otherwise this mind of mine totally out of control just like me can create ideas and theories that at times terrify me. Thinking too much is a crime that’s what some one once told me and making my own world is dangerous. Well if I ever find that person I’d laugh at his face because I am amused by the ease with which he classified my mind and my thought into such a huge cliché. I am proud of my ability to think non stop and know things other people might take a lifetime to realize. And to all those who find it frustrating all I can advice is without trying, without knowing and without every experiencing the empowerment that having an opinion or an observation gifts you don’t just judge things in the narrow mould you have created. Open up or remain rigid. Then maybe one day you too might be an arrogant villain somewhere desperately trying to create a community of students whose parents you can be best friends with. Narrow mindedness is the biggest enemy of free thought. Hence I have involved myself with things and challenges that were once a part of my dreams. I cant comprehend why I had gotten into a shell afraid of my own high hopes. I guess fear of failure was a dominating factor but I never realized that this fear made me a lesser version of myself. So now I come out all guns blazing. I am not stopping myself. Well I have. When you have the kind of villains I have doing everything can become a little tough. But ultimately I am not someone you can tame so I still do the same things I used too maybe even more but now with an ambition in mind. And these new endeavors have led me to finding new people thus broadening my own opinion on a lot of things and surprisingly has initiated so many new friendships that the pain I had from old ones slowly is slipping into some corner of my heart. Ultimately the one’s who were genuine are still a major part of my life and the rest are just people I am hanging on too with dear life. But one day my grip will slip and when that happens I wont be the one in loss.
In the end it surprises me that I can find strangers or acquaintances who understand things or show emotions that I need to hear on some days that are bad. I guess god has a special way of letting you hear what you want but god might be a sadist somewhere because its always been so that the wrong person ends up saying the right thing and the right person always ends up saying the wrong thing. Life is a tragedy and god is Shakespeare.
So being totally frank all I can say is that I am addicted to this drama that life is holding around me. I don’t like it but I know that life is no dull documentary. Every person who is special in my life will have problems and my own problems always run in the background and it is that camaraderie that we have with ourselves that will take us through all the drama thus leading us to a happy and new beginning. Feeling like I am full of life right now though I am sitting in a classroom forced to study due to my own laziness and lack of interest in the course that I am studying. I guess you just cant fulfill your heart’s desire and your grade card at the same time. So captain kullu ( I am starting to like this name) signing of into the horizon on a new journey with a lot of cargo and a lot hope.


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  3. "I guess you just cant fulfill your heart’s desire and your grade card at the same time."... Quoted aptly indeed. That's a nice name you have been designated with.